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+--- Thread: Zingers (/showthread.php?tid=10575)
Zingers - jazzboCR - 20-06-2014
Going to a Kenny G concert must be like being on hold for two hours.
Zingers - jazzboCR - 28-06-2014
"Jesus loves you"
Grand when you hear it on Main Street
not so much in a Mexican prison
Zingers - jazzboCR - 03-07-2014
Nickleback had 9 hits last year...on their Website.
I never call Elton John by his full title. No Sir E.
Church singers--they're an a-choired taste.
Zingers - jazzboCR - 06-07-2014
Marijuana is nature's way of apologizing for vegetables.
If a deaf person goes to court, is it still a hearing?
Squirrels are just rats who blow dry their tails.
If a duckling is baby ducks, I don't want to eat a dumpling.
Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. Two women trying to kill each other over shoes. Brilliant, really
Zingers - jazzboCR - 08-07-2014
"Eye of the Tiger" came on the radio...so I jumped out of my car and shadow-boxed til the light turned green.
"OMG, I'm a huge fan"--windmills
"All you need is love"--billionaire musicians
"Musically, I was inspired by the fax machine"--Nicki Minaj
"What are you doing? Are you writing down everything I'm saying? IS THIS GONNA BE A SONG?!?!--anyone dating Taylor Swift
Zingers - jazzboCR - 09-07-2014
I've taken up speed reading> I can now read "War and Peace" in 20 seconds...it's only three words but it's a start.
"I am" is the shortest sentence in the English language. "I do" is the longest.
Always and never are two words you should always remember to never use.
Puns are bad but poetry is verse.
If a pig loses its voice, does it become disgruntled?
If you're nice to proofreaders, they'll save your as.
Looks like the good days of grammar is went.
If men could get pregnant, not only would it be very legal, I believe McDonalds would be doing it.
I fully support any type of marriage that doesn't involve me.
There are 2 kinds of people in the world: those who divide the world into kinds of people and those who don't.
Lotta schiz today. Enjoy
Zingers - jazzboCR - 17-07-2014
If you bring a couple a box set of Beethoven and they don't like it, you can always take them Bach.
It's "Be Kind to Your Lizards Week". Salamanders are the only critters that can go through a fire and walk out the other side.
There's a local garage band called "999 Megabytes"--they haven't got a gig yet.
What key are you in when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A Flat Minor
What do you call a trumpet player with a pager? An optimist.
Zingers - jazzboCR - 22-07-2014
Dear Pessimist, Optimist and Realist: while you were arguing about that glass of water, I drank it--Opportunist
Does killing time damage eternity?
Life is a sexually-transmitted disease.
Zingers - jazzboCR - 24-07-2014
My standards are so high...they just recorded a reggae song.
Zingers - jazzboCR - 27-07-2014
I have come up with THE most socially awkward experience--the Father-Son wedding dance.