Good luck - a rework on the drums (think how a real drummer would approach this) and you are good to go. Try and make the melody stand out a bit more. maybe double track the melody line with another instrument - one that stands out a bit more. You have the right idea - just needs a bit of spit and polish. Would like to hear more of your work - it has potential. Don't give up! BTW the drums are OK initially but around the 3:06 mark it loses focus/impetus - that's what I mean.
'The purpose of life is a life of purpose' - Athena Orchard.